Just for Amesy, yesterdays match report comes courtesy of Fred Trueman.

 

 

It were a wee bit nesh last night, so much so t'bouncy castle blew down as t'wind started fair whistlin' in t'dooroiles and yon Leper footy match against OCC were postponed till statto could blow't back up again.

After much hanging about, the Lepers eventually got started against the 4 members of the Orange County Cast (Mischa Barton had pulled out the snub late doors), Ames, the one man from God's own country in a team full of southern ponces, getting the first of the game after a couple of minutes. OCC were eventually up to 5 again with the introduction of one of t'Lepers old friends from Olympic Blackheath. It were no use, mind, as Lepers continued to knock t'ball round with ease. Soon Drake set to gi' it some pasty, smashing home the Lepers second, closely followed by a Harby left foot toe-poke and a Harvey finish of some description. Lepers were looking reight good as Swindons own Mike Fjortoft came to t'party with a brace in quick succession. Drake, who really needs a nickname, then wrapped up his hat-trick in double quick time before Yorkshires' own made it 9-0 at t'break. Gravy.

 

 

 

 

Now then, the Second half brought a more circumspect approach from the Lepers as they took five minutes to suss out their opponents and see what ball were doing, that were more like it. Fjortoft soon put them back on reight track, completing his hat-trick and making it double figures all with one strike. T'Seagullers kept their boot firmly on the neck of OCC as their defence proved to be nowt but spit an' glue as Drake and Harby added to the rowt before Ames 'set out on a mazy run before squaring for Jerzak to smash home'. E ba gum. Statto provided the only real impediment to the mighty Lepers goal machine as he repeatedly tackled the Lepers when in full flow, telling them to go round him, his new definition of static refereeing bearing similarities to a Boycott innings. Drake, Fjortoft and Ames, completing the days hat-trick of hat-tricks, left the OCC as sick as a Cleethorpes donkey, first there series was cancelled, now this. Trying desperately to save some face by grabbing at least one goal, the OCC, or boredom, induced goalkeeper Sheen into a foolish throw to the opposition forward, allowing him to pull off the save of the century, just like this one, take that Preston. By 'eck Lepers.

Well I'll go t'foot of our stairs! The Lepers win 16-0. By my recknin' that makes the Lepers twice as good as Liverpool and four times better than Man Utd this week. Lancastrian scum.

And wi'that, Lepers were off fer a slurp down t'Gunner. Ecky Thump.