The Sulk Effect: ER's Doctor Carter and Houses Doctor House Have never seen anything like it before. Is it viral? Is it Bacterial? Or is it purely psychological? Get me my stethoscope, tiny torch for shinning in peoples eyes and spatula for depressing peoples tongues, stat!

 

 

With another Powerleague no-show last night, gifting the Lepers another 10-0 victory, the chance arises to take a more in-depth study of one of the rarer effects of contact with the mighty Hepperslepers. The Sulk effect.

Symptoms:
A physical battering by the Lepers. Bombardment of shots at hapless goalkeeper by Drake combined with aural Bear abuse tactic and general roughhousing. Mental disintegration. Usually accompanied by a sense of refereeing injustice.

Prognosis: Sufferers can expect a two to three game period of footballing failure. Long term mental problems are commonplace and resulting psychological scars may never heal. In some cases a general apathy towards football can develop and teams can incur a fatalistic attitude towards games. The feeling of futility at competing with the Lepers can often cause teams to abscond from powerleague entirely, never able to face a football pitch again.

Transmission: Sufferers are generally top half of the table chancers whom believe themselves to be a superior footballing entity. Contraction of the illness may occur on immediate contact with Lepers or may take a number of exposures.

Famous cases:

Merry Pranksters:
After one exposure to Hepperslepers, the Pranksters were never seen on a football pitch again. Despite actually winning the match, the resulting physical and mental injuries were too great to allow a return to Powerleague.

Christine Hamilton Academical
After numerous exposures in a long running feud with the Lepers, CHA were finally unable to recover from their literal mauling at the hands of Los Leperos and madman Jerzak in particular. Retired from football.

Sporting Airlock
First of the 'Bouncy Castle' cases. Upon the fourth exposure, Airlock were among the first teams to be massacred on the bouncy castle by the Lepers. Pipped to promotion to division 2, Airlock currently languish in div 3 struggling to string passes together.

Sparta Lebowski
Again, destroyed on the bouncy castle by the Lepers, Lebowski went on to lose to the Orange County Cast, a team previously beaten 16-0 by the Lepers. Long term effects are yet to be observed but recovery looks unlikely.

Treatment: At the moment no cure for the Sulk Effect exists, however with slow, gradiated exposure to cage football, sufferers may finally be able to return to a semblance of their former footballing talent. However, no full recovery has as yet been observed.