End of Another Era

The Division 5 Season ended in anti-climax as the Lepers were held to a 4 – 4 draw by 3rd place RGL. With Drunk Drake still suspended and Hoskins’ leprosy affecting his feet the Lepers were down to 7 very merry men.

The scores remained level until Jerzak completed his recovery from injury with a goal that could only be described as a ‘dink’. With the keeper sprawled across the edge of the D, Jerzak managed to lift the ball over his flapping arms and back down under the bar. It must have been a good goal because MVP was impressed, “I’m not sure even Pele would’ve attempted that.”

The Lepers continued to press forward looking for goals leaving poor Bear with very little options at the back. Bear decided to go on the offensive and continually berated every team member throughout the game making everybody nervous about making a mistake and feeling his wrath!

Some more stuff happened and the scores were 4 – 1 at half time and 4 – 4 at full time. It was a shambolic performance by all involved – but perhaps good to bring us all down to earth after a 5 game winning streak.

The fun and games quickly switched to the MG where annual prizes were awarded. 1st prize of the night was ‘Hot-Shot of the Season’ and went to Will Webb. The award was bizarrely a tub of Cottage Cheese – and before anyone could ask what Cottage Cheese had to do with Webb, the super-sub striker had chiefed the entire pot. Get it down Zulu-warrior!

This really set the tone for the evening! The second prize was for most-improved shovel-foot of the team and this went to Stoner. A small trowel was his prize and he quickly set about eating it.

The third prize then went to Jerzak as the Player Who Lost His Marbles Most. This was an impressive feat for a man who only played 3 outfield games all season. Following suit Jerzak necked the entire bag of marbles.

Spike then picked up the Player Who Holds The Team Up award and received a candlestick holder. While trying to swallow his award he was hit in the face by Shovelfoot’s Shovel!

Harvey they picked up an Award for Most Committed player. Instead of being presented with a gold watch or even a carriage clock, he received a sachet of Roast Chicken Gravy. Taking the proceedings to new heights, Harvey snorted a cheeky line. It must be pointed out that the Heppers Lepers do not condone any sort of recreational or performance-enhancing drugs – only idiotic behaviour!

Drake then picked up the Red Card Award – not for his red card in match 12, but for his decision to miss prize giving to see his girlfriend. Off off off off…The prize was collected by Spike on his behalf.

Finally Player of the Season was awarded to MVP Ames who received a rather charming blue mug. The mug was quickly filled with Chicken gravy and Kronenbourg and was necked by Ames. Northerners love gravy!

Somewhere along the way a soap dispenser was also given out – perhaps to Hoskins who needs to clean up his act and start turning up. This was quickly filled with beer and chicken gravy and was snorted by several idiots.

The players then presented their influential leader with a small token of their appreciation – a new pair of giant gloves to replace the worn out Gladiators foam fingers.

Division 6 Champions 2006
Division 5 Runners up 2007
What will Division 4 have in store???