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Good morning class, how are we all today? Tired after a hard night's leperage you say? Well shut the hell up, did I say you could speak? Where's my cane. I've taken the liberty of marking last nights practical for you, some of you will be pleased with your grades, some less pleased. Frankly, I don't care, I wish I'd taught P.E. to the sixth form girls, but you can't have everything.

 
 
 
 
Professor Leper likes what he sees
 
Cornwall, Chris Cantona: Good work, twinkle-toes. Some good dancing around the opposition and an improved work rate and fitness, you managed to make it off the pitch this week before vomiting, well done.
C: Could perhaps make it a whole match without vomiting next week?

Jerzak, Mark Madman: Sound managerial and tactical decision making. Good scouting report on the oppositions win against the moccasined-might of Sporting Diablo last week. Backed this up with some of the usual brand of strong tackling and violence.
B: Excellent, as ever and an improved disciplinary record. I will be sending my recommendations on to Chelsea Polytechnic.

Sheen, David The Bear: Some great saves as usual and backed it up with the usual barracking of the referee and the opposition. No chance with the opposition goal.
B: Could be a little nicer to your fellow classmates.

Harby, Spike The Rhino: Shoddy back-pass with first touch nearly cost us the game before we started. Some good tackles and a wonder finish for your disallowed goal, but overall movement and energy was low.
D-: Possibly still recovering from 'field-trip' exertions.

Harvey, John Hall of Fame: Another reliable performance, demonstrating again your importance at the heart of the team. Great predatory instinct to snaffle the all important winning second goal. Solid all round.
B+: Keep up the good work.

Aage Fjortoft, Mike: Brilliant work from the new boy adapting well to the pressure cooker environment of powerleague. Two well taken goals to wrap up the win in style. Absent Drake will have to work hard to win his place as teachers pet back.
A: To the top of the class.

Ames, Matthew Northern Wonder: I'm prepared to be charitable given your lung-busting run to make class on time but that is no excuse for your shoddy work for the opposition goal. First conceding the free-kick, then arguing about it instead of defending it and finally deflecting it past your own keeper. Poor. However, some good ball skills late in the second half when the pressure was on has raised your grade slightly.
D: Lacks concentration

Webb, Will the Wonder: Truant – Fail

Drake, Dan ' No nickname yet': Truant – Fail

Stoner, Mark 'The Stone': Truant- Fail

All-in-all class, a good work out last night, which as a group we passed well although some areas need improving if we are to add to the school trophy cabinet this year. Those playing truant must provide a sick-note by this time next week or join me in detention in the Master Gunner room before next weeks test.
 
The School of Leprosy Trophy Cabinet: Spot the odd one out