Last night's clash between Hepper's Lepers and Jeronimo was a hard-hitting affair. This new Lepers side have exploded upon Division 6 of the 'Thursday Night League' leaving chaos and carnage in their wake! However, if only the Leppers could start games as strongly as they finish them, we would be looking at serious contenders for the Division 6 Championship.
Yet again, within 5 minutes of kick-off the Leppers were 2-0 down. Their shambolic defence was caught wandering off upfront in search of glory leaving Jeronimo to rip through them and plant 2 neat strikes in the bottom corners. For those spectators unfamiliar with this fierce Leppers side, a 10-0 rout certainly looked on the cards. Stand-in keeper Matt Ames, who was deputising in the absence of the irreplaceable Bear, stood little chance of saving either goal.
However, the Jeronimo team were collectively shellshocked when their star man, Alfonso Ronaldo, twin brother of Cristiano, was on the wrong-end of a sturdy challenge by Jerzak. Jerzak had carried out this type of challenge, which can only be described as 'steaming in', several times in previous weeks. The hapless victim of the tackle picked himself up off the floor slating both the referee and Jerzak for what he believed was a foul. The Leppers regrouped, their smiles turning to dark frowns.
The fighting spirit of the Leppers was immediately evident when Phil Hoskins, placed at centre back but self-appointed Libero, strolled through the Jeronimo defence with the greatest of ease and planted a left-footed strike into the corner from the acutest of angles. The comeback had begun!
Within seconds, Midfield General Jon Harvey, the engine of the team, had twisted and turned in the centre-circle creating a yard of space to make his shot. A Jeronimo attempted block took the sting out of the shot leaving a disappointed Harvey to turn away. However, upon seeing the jubilation of his team mates he turned to see the ball had settled in the back of the old onion bag. The goal was reminiscent of Gary Neville's recent "backpass" to Paul Robinson!
At 2-2, the Jeronimo team could feel their game falling apart, which gave the Iceman Webb, fresh from his midseason break in Reykjavik the opportunity to impose his presence. Webb looked a new man in comparison to his Powerleague debut a fortnight earlier; running with the ball and seeing a couple of decent strikes go narrowly wide.
At a break in the game, 10 minutes in, the first substitution was called. Webb left the field to rapturous applause and was replaced by Dan 'Nicolas Anelka' Drake. The Lepers fans, disappointed by Drake's refusal to play for the club in the first 2 games of the season, greeted his entrance with silence. The player, nicknamed "Le Whinge", in France was sold to Squeal Madrid in acrimonious circumstances for £23m in 1999 where he repeatedly hit the headlines and even went on strike! By the end of the season he was on his way to the French capital to play for STD (PSG) in a £22m deal. But David Sheen was in no doubt about the talent he had brought to the Mustard-Yellows when he announced the signing pre-season.
With the whole World watching, Drake's first touch produced a goal, unfortunately this was due to a casual pass across the back line which was intercepted. The subsequent shot was hit low and hard, and Ames looked to have had it covered but sadly it found a way through to give a jubilant Jeronimo's side the lead.
Nevertheless, it takes a lot to keep this Leppers side down and within moments Jon Harvey had drawn them level again with a truly unforgettable goal. He struck the ball and it went in the goal - unforgettable!
The next substitution saw one battler replaced by another as Jerzak switched with The Rhino, Spike, whose immediate impact was to impersonate a human battering-ram with the ball between his feet. Jeronimo had great difficulty in getting near the ball while Spike dribbled towards them. A swift hand-off to a Jeronimo defender's face ensured that Spike's dominance on the ball was not put into question again!
The half-time interval gave the Lepers time to psyche each other up and Jeronimo a few moments to nurse their wounds.
However, within moments of the second half, Harvey was the victim of a horror-tackle which left him injured on the floor. A sly knee to his ribs was missed by the dim-witted chav-King referee with the appearance of a man lost in concentration trying to remember his own name. A blood-bin substitution was forced with Jerzak re-entering the field of play, the red-mist clearly descending, having seen a team mate injured.
Within moments, the substitute sent Ronaldo tumbling on the edge of the Lepers area. The referee waved play-on giving Jerzak the opportunity to lean down and berate the greasy-haired-Cristiano-Ronaldo-wanna-be for his disgraceful histrionics. Replays of the incident would later prove that a cynical professional foul had in fact been committed by Jerzak.
And finally - cometh the hour, cometh the man! When Drake's moment arrived he grasped it with both feet! 2 strikes from distance, one with the left foot and one with the right resulted in a worthy brace for the most controversial of debutants. One wondered whether Club Manager, Dave Sheen would have allowed Drake as many minutes on the pitch as he enjoyed last night, but the undiscriminating camaraderie of the Leppers team prevailed. The wretched Jeronimo goalkeeper was unable to make an impression in the bubbling astoturf cauldron!
This truly was a glorious victory by the hardest grafters of Division 6. They may not play pretty, but they're certainly effective. The tough test against Merry Pranksters next week should set the tone for the rest of the season. With Heppers Leppers climbing up to 3rd place, not even their 1 game, 10 goal handicap for illicit pre-season transfer dealings seems to be holding them back.
The celebrations quickly moved on to The Master Gunner with the notorious striker Drake proclaiming, "The Leppers are unstoppable on the pitch and at the bar!" He will have to wait another week to bury the hatchet with his manager, with in-house fighting seeming to be the only possibility of this unstoppable machine "steaming" their way to top of the league. Even an off-duty policewoman was caught up in the furore of the post-match celebrations to prove that this Leppers side knows how to make friends as well as enemies!
Dream Team Star man - Matt Ames (rating 9): a series of 2nd half saves kept Jeronimo at bay
Player ratings
Phil Hoskins (7): Scored a great goal but left gaps at the back while he disappeared on Walkabout.
Mark Jerzak (7): Tackled tough but must distribute the ball quicker.
Jon Harvey (8): Midfield dynamo, scored 2 unforgettable goals.
Will Webb (7): Cool under pressure, a Cage-Football veteran.
Spike (7): Increased the violence levels, took no prisoners.
Drake (8): Slow to ignite but finally set the game on fire.