“Regarded as completely ambidextrous as he has an equal lack of ability with both feet”

Team	Appearances	Goals
Bradbourne Park FC (Sevenoaks)	45	3
Hollybrook FC (Bracknell)	25	6
Fujitsu Graduates	4	0

In the early days of his career within the youth teams, there was some potential in the central defence role, mostly because he was taller than the other players. This lead to rather unlikely trials with Sevenoaks Town FC. However, once the height imbalance was redressed it became less obvious where his talent lie. After musing over this predicament with a number of beers during the glory years (‘97 – ‘99), he decided to hang up the boots for the time being and concentrate on his fitness. Three years at university with absolutely no sport, fitness training or in fact movement of any kind did not really provide the level of fitness required.

“If I crouch down, face my head towards the ground and drink 10 pints of beer I can run really fast, otherwise running is not my strength”

Then when it seemed all was lost, suddenly, in what appeared to be the autumn of his career, he was approached for to play in Bracknell - the town famous for having the highest rate of teenage pregnancies and the most fights per night per pub in the UK. The glamour and bright lights of Bracknell got too much for Hoskins and rumours were circulating about a possible transfer to London. A complete an utter lack of stamina, pace and agility eventually convinced him to give up 11-aside and go to Clapham in hunt of smaller pitches and shorter matches. He found exactly that initially in the Norbury powerleague and then more recently at his spiritual home of the City powerleague with the almighty lepers.

He is now known for his ability to tackle his own players, completely forget the most basic of powerleague rules and occasionally scoring a goal.