Division 4 - the beginning of the end

Last night the Lepers commenced their straightforward run-in to the end of the season with a fairly uncomplicated victory over Friends of the South. The conquest was carried out largely thanks to a string of ringers which included the infamous Portuguese reprobate St. Ringer and his friend Matt. The shortfall in the squad came as a result of Drake off having a bit of an(nu)al-leave; Hoskins lighting up the streets of New York with the Lepers’ logo; Gay-note Webb who came out with yet another pathetic excuse for not attending; and Jerzak serving his 4 week suspension “for Serious Foul Play including attempting to kick, elbow, strike or head butt an opponent” (see below). It is believed Jerzak may appeal this verdict as he is unhappy with the Powerleague Authority’s inappropriate use of the word “attempting”! One positive was to be taken from absence, notably that Phil was takin the Leper brand worldwide.

Having spent the day trawling various “social networking” sites looking for potential Lepers, the maestro Sheen observed his motley crew with pride and confidence. Decisions were to be made however, with this new look side needing to gel from the off. Stoner was given the opportunity, after many recent, excellent and dedicated performances, to claim his first start for the Lepers. And so it was the Lepers who went into the game with Sheen back between the sticks after putting his Victoria line vexation behind him. The solid wall of Harvey/ Harby loomed in front of the D, with Stoner prowling the middle ground and Matt Turner lurking ominously up front. And so to kick-off:

The game kicked off at a pedestrian pace with neither team willing to push too hard and leave themselves open to a cruel counter-attack. The Lepers had the lion’s share of the possession leaving 6th placed Friends to chase the game. The first real opportunity of the game fell to debutant Turney who received a quick ball from Stoner and hit a shot crashing off both posts and back into the fortuitous keeper’s hands. However, the plucky Friends keeper soon feel foul of Lady Luck as his throw out was intercepted by the predatory Turney who sent the ball back into the net, 1 – 0.

The game continued with a similar level of Leper dominance. The Leper defence marshalling the Friends’ 8-year-old striker efficiently with the ever-adventurous Spike making wild forays up the pitch when the opportunities were there. Late in the half saw the introduction of the saintly ringer, replacing the battling Stoner. Within minutes the Lepers had conceded. A moment of madness saw the erstwhile excellent Sheen throw the ball to a Friendly striker, who aimed the ball towards the top corner. Sadly the ball didn’t go to the top corner, but merely weakly slithered under Sheeno’s outstretched leg. Evil forces were clearly at work. Even after that disappointment the Lepers continued their domination, although they were not able to make their possessional advantage tell in the closing stages of the half. The whistle went to jeers of derision from the sidelines as the Lepers trudged for their half-time teamtalk with the scores delicately poised at 1 apiece.

The teamtalk clearly worked its magic as the Lepers commenced the second half like a team possessed. Some lovely passing football saw Spike presented with an opportunity that he walloped past the slightly limp wrist of the keeper. The Lepers continued the pressure after that goal with Stringer having multiple chances to put the Lepers two clear, but unfortunately he had developed Shovelfootitis, causing a couple of chances to be dragged wide. The Lepers’ third was not long in coming however, as Stringer muscled his way through some Friendly defenders before leaping into the opposition box and poking the ball home. Fortunately the referee was stalking his way round the edge of the pitch and didn’t notice.

 

The attacking force of the Friends was all but blunted by this point although they did force keeper Sheen into a couple of good saves, one notably from some disorganised defending from a free-kick. Sheen congratulated himself accordingly. The other was saved and span back wickedly, although later evidence was to show that the ball wasn't going anywhere near the goal.

Further pronged attacks from “centre-back” Harby saw him grab another couple of goals, completing a hat-trick for the second time in a matter of weeks. This almost made up for his penalty miss of the week before! There was still time for Sicknote Ames to make his return to the side, holding the fort at the back and allowing Harby and Harvey some freedom. Ames went on his own expedition late on in the match, finding himself one-on-one with the goalkeeper. Dropping one shoulder and giving the keeper the eyes, Matthew slotted the ball through the open legs of the keeper to cap an exquisite second half performance by the Lepers