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Mike Aage Fjortoft 
| | Played | Goals | | Team MPC | 34 | 12 | | Nalgo | 4 | 0 | | Helphire FC | 4 | 0 | | The Broadway | 17 | 9 | | Heppers Lepers FC | 13 | 12 |
Mike Aage Fjortoft, or Michael David Phipps as he was formerly known, started his early career as a promising centre forward. Having been brought up on the ghetto streets of Swindon, he knew only too well the art of finishing; and received a footballing education from Swindon Town goal-scoring greats such as Craig Maskell and Andy Mutch.
Despite limited signs of early promise, it soon became apparent that Phipps would never be able to aspire to such legendary status. A dark period descended over the career of Phipps and he spent many years in the footballing wilderness, instead pursuing so-called sports such as Cricket and Rugby. It was clear that a life of ruin lay ahead for Phipps until, at the age of 23, he rediscovered his love and passion for the beautiful game.
Initially joining the Dorcan 6-a-side Swindon outfit of Team MPC, Phipps revelled in the centre back position and, as linchpin of the team, promptly inspired the lowly MPC to a narrow cup final defeat. It was to be a transitional period for Phipps and, after a short break from 6-a-side football to put in a few 11-a-side performances in defence for both Swindon & District League 2 side Nalgo and Bath & North Somerset League 6 outfit Helphire FC, he rejoined his old MPC team-mates playing under the new name of The Broadway.
In his second sustained period of 6-a-side football, Phipps cemented his place as a commanding central defender in the Luc Nijholt/Shaun Taylor mould (i.e. ugly). Whilst, not adverse to the occasional soiree into the opponent’s half, Phipps posted a reasonable goal return in the 2006 season and The Broadway were unlucky to miss out on promotion in the final weeks of the season.
Unfortunately, such encouraging progress was again short-lived. Following a tear to his left thigh, the once promising Phipps again relinquished the defensive burdens for the joys of working as a Sunday morning Oxfam volunteer. Knowing his trampy clients so well and deciding that the question ‘ do you want to manage people on probation’ was the straw that broke the camel’s back, Phipps turned his back on his hometown and made for the big smoke in search of fortune and adventure.
Upon reaching the metropolis, Phipps realised that the streets were not all paved in gold and struggled to ‘find himself’. With spirits worn and a heavy heart, Phipps contemplated taking knap-sack in hand and trekking the arduous journey down the M4 back to the solace of the West Country.
With his skin flaking as a result of his worried disposition, he was approached by a man with tangerine hair who told him that he had ‘Leper potential’. Despite initially believing this to be advice on personal hygiene, it was explained that the Lepers were an ancient and select membership founded on key moral principles such as Beer = goals. The more Phipps heard of this, the more he longed to be part of such a special group of people.
Fagan/Jerzak – Signing an orphan was ‘good business’With cap in hand, Phipps duly pleaded with the ginger Fagan for a place amongst the Lepers. In a tribute to Oliver Twist, the gaffer took pity on the ghetto boy and told Phipps to ‘consider himself one of us’. Phipps embraced the Lepers as MAF – willing to beg for place with the Lepers brothers. In a first appearance that featured a drunk man with sellotape for trainers, Phipps knew that the Lepers made no place for vanity and was placed up front as a support to a goal hungry duck. Initially struggling to find some form and having the touch of a rapist, a bear-like creature noted that the boy called Phipps should seek inspiration from another Swindon legend, Jan Aage Fjortoft.  Remembering the goal scoring feats of the Norwegian wonder, Mike Aage Fjortoft was proudly re-born as a Worship Street Leper. Now appearing in 3D format, MAF has enjoyed incredible success as the Leper lucky charm (they’re magically delicious). Having a minor hand in cheering on the side to Div 3 promotion, the mascot proved good value and assisted his beloved Lepers to the Div 2 title last season. Despite a poor run of form at the start of the Div 1 season, the Leper Council stood by their journeyman forward and over the coming months expect to reap the benefits of a significantly boozier Mike Aage. Great success awaits. Fjortoft – struggled to balance himself whilst running at pace |
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