A new enemy on the horizon
Last night the Lepers faced bottom of the table Equator FC in a game hyped up as the opportunity to increase their flagging goal difference. The Lepers completed Division 6 with an average of 6.1 goals for and 2.7 goals against giving an average goal difference of 3.4 per game. They then stepped things up a level against somewhat poorer opposition in Div 5 to claim an average of 7.5 goals for and 2.2 goals against giving an average goal difference of 5.3 per game. Going into last night’s game the Lepers had a poor average of 5 goals for but a more respectable 2 goals against giving an average goal difference of just 3 per game.
The Lepers arrived ahead of schedule to watch a clash of the titans encounter between the old force of CHA against the new challengers at the top of the table. CHA shockingly racked up a 3rd defeat of the season to leave Sporting at the head of the table.
Equator FC arrived for their match against the Lepers with only 4 players. In an uncharac
teristic gesture of goodwill, the Lepers allowed Equator to play with Sporting’s goalkeeper to make up the numbers. The referee was keen for Equator to be given a sporting chance and the Lepers were not about to argue with their favourite man in black who had been spotted this weekend sharing a bottle of Labatt Ice with the Bear. The Beermaster later explained, “Labatt Ice, introduced in 1993, was the world’s first Ice Brewed beer and the most successful new brand introduction in Canadian brewing history. It is best shared with a close male friend with 2 straws in one bottle.” How queer.
The prematch warm-up was a particularly sober affair but did produce a moment of magic as Webb was double nutmegged by 2 team mates in quick succession. With MVP and Stoner still sidelined with their respective knee-ligament and Shovelfoot-foot injuries, the Lepers were again forced to draught in the most arrogant man in England since Eric Cantona departed these shores. With Hoskins missing for his 10th game in a row, and having appeared only twice in 2007 it appears his squad position may be up for grabs. And with CC chomping at the bit, he released this statement – “When the seagulls follow the schoolboy, it is because they think he will slap ‘Someone’ in the face”.
The game started at a decent pace against the team who are not part of the Northern or Southern hemisphere. The equator is in fact an imaginary line drawn around the planet, halfway between the poles. The latitude of the equator is 0 by definition and the length of Earth's equator is about 40,070 km, or 24,898 miles … or 10,000km in new-speak.
For 10 minutes the Lepers rained down shot after shot on the Equator goal but could not find a way past the Sporting keeper (who might be bigger than the Bear). But finally the deadlock was broken by Drake who dropped deep and sent a long-range rocket into the back of the net.
A quick substitution was made at this opportune moment as Webb slowly made his way onto the pitch. A snippet of pre-match arrogance by Webb which could rival CC heard him say, “I have a 100% scoring record this season and it’s going to continue tonight”. Webb’s first contribution of the night was to leave his man unmarked on the edge of the box during a free kick and the scores were brought level to 1 – 1. The scores remained level until half time which left the Lepers wondering why they had allowed their opponents to draught in a good goalkeeper. Harvey was energetic as usual making his 33rd consecutive Lepers appearance. The talk at the start of the season of the hatchet hardman having to miss a few games appears to have been nothing more that hsbc-hype.
The second half commenced at a brighter pace and the Lepers were soon back in the lead thanks to an extremely lucky goal scored by CC who celebrated by holding out his arms and puffing out his chest, a bit like an arrogant seagull might do if it had arms.
The Lepers looked to tighten up their defence which was going well until a Rhino and a train (not a Rhino-train as indicated!) collided while competing for a 50/50 ball. The Equator player challenging for the ball pussied out leaving the 2 Lepers to charge into the ball and each other. As the players crashed to the floor the ball broke loose and Equator counter attacked with nobody in defence. Fortunately their striker was particularly slow to take the chance giving the Lepers time to get back and win the ball.
As the Lepograph indicates - the Lepers still haven't dropped a league position in their history .. but can they climb one more place this season?