Mink - A mink is any of several furry, dark-colored, semi-aquatic, carnivorous mammals of the family Mustelidae, which also includes the weasels and the otters. It is naturally found in North America, northern Europe, and most of Russia west of Ural Mountains. Mink fur has been highly prized for its use in clothing, with hunting giving way to large-scale mink farming. Its treatment has also been a focus of much animal welfare activism. The European mink is one of the most endangered and elusive mammals in the world and hugely important from a conservation perspective.
Given all this it is hardly surprising that the Lepers ran out 10-0 winners against a team of the little buggers, they really had no place on the hallowed powerleague turf.
After such an unchallenging match, the Lepers decided to warm down with a friendly against next weeks opponents Stokie FC, largely memorable for being a bunch of Aussies.
Some Aussie Footballers, One Fat.
The rogue bouncy-castle pitch wild card had again been dealt to the Lepers and they counted their blessings that this match was only a friendly, but that didn’t stop them approaching the game with 'some' level of commitment and interest. Enough interest and commitment it seemed for the Lepers to brush aside the cretinous Aussies footballers (Including one very fat Aussie) with apparent ease, vim and gusto. And so it was that the Lepers swept into a 3-0 lead after peppering the oppositions inflatable goal frame with a succession of wildly inaccurate shots before Ames struck twice with what I'm sure were two finishes showcasing his glorious skill, control and selflessness on the football pitch, although I wasn't really paying attention. Ames again demonstrated his generosity in front of goal moments later when he slid the ball to Harby, hopelessly stranded at the wrong end of the pitch. Harby, confused at being afforded the opportunity of making it so far up the pitch without being harangued by his keeper, was sent into a further spin of utter confusion when Ames deigned to voluntarily release possession. Like a small child endlessly spun in circles by bigger boys, Harby stumbled drunkenly, his shoddy first touch somehow taking the ball away from two opposing defenders before lashing the ball into the bottom corner past the equally confused keeper. Harby decided it was time to take a rest and subbed himself. But not before the dirty Aussies could sneak a goal back after Amesy was sold short with a pass from somebody before being out-flabbed by a fat Aussie who somehow squeezed the ball passed the Bear, reeling helplessly like a Brazilian keeper being caressed by a drunken jock. With 15 minutes on the clock, the inevitable happened and half-time was called.
Dida - Coached by Sheen?
Back-Knack-Jerzak took the opportunity to weave his renowned managerial prowess making some changes so dazzling in their audacity I can't quite remember what they were. Certainly the reintroduction of Hall-of-Fame Harvey after an enforced absence had gone someway to shoring up the structure of the Seagullers play, gone had the fluid, total-football of the previous week to be replaced by the ruthless efficiency that is the Lepers trademark. With the start of the second half the Lepers consolidated their lead when Webb, undergoing something of a Heskey-like renaissance, weaved his way through the opposition to selflessly tea up Harby for his second; at least I think that was how it happened. This was the signal for Ames to up his game and the Northern Wonder duly obliged by bagging his hat-trick and then his forth, showcasing his exquisite shoulder-charging and footwork. The Lepers were all searching for goals now and defensive duties were momentarily forgotten as a Stokie forward ambled into the Leper half before beating a very angry Bear.
Seeing the Anger of Sheen, Jerzak decided the best course of action was to channel that anger at the opposition. Making one of his most radical Managerial moves yet, Sheen moved outfield with H-o-F Harvey taking the over-large gloves. Equipping himself well, Harvey made some handy saves and distributed well to goal hungry Drake who had been curiously less eager to shot this week. Had the manager had a word? If so, Drake proved him wrong, showing why he is the most feared striker in all of Powerleague by bulleting in two high-calibre finishes.
On the subject of Most-feared, Sheen went on to prove why he is the most-feared person possibly on the planet. Two sliding tackles which could have crippled his opponent were followed by a glorious turn of speed as he made his way up the pitch to latch on to a Drake through ball before surely the finish of the day as he slid the ball past the keeper in the dying seconds. This goal counted and despite protestations from the ref was awarded as the Lepers 9th. 9-2. 19-2 on the day.
So back to the Gunner where the lovely Umberto had gone to the trouble of laying on a buffet for someone and allowing the Lepers to steal it, Drake snaffling Chicken legs like he snaffles goals. Now surely certain of a place in Div 2 next season, the Lepers celebrated with lard–encrusted mini-sausages.