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The Lepers completed Thursday’s win against the DSS in unfamiliar circumstances: not only had their opposition enjoyed the game, but Shovelfoot had put in a great performance; Harvey was the new bad boy of the team; Spike had ceased his mazy runs and camped out on the edge of the D; Jerzak had scored with his left foot; Sheeno had been friendly towards the opposition and Drake was being heralded as the new MVP. For the first time this season the Lepers found their scoring form to smash 8 goals past the Department for Work and Pensions, a UK Government department responsible for welfare and employment issues formerly known as the Department of Social Security (DSS). Perhaps Stoner’s long-term links with various bureaucratic bodies had given him his new-found confidence.
Following the previous week’s talk of forming a second Heppers Lepers side to cope with the burgeoning squad, the Lepers had once again tempted fate and were down to a dwindling squad of just 6 men come kick off. With Webb off seaguling having one-L of a time in Switzerland and the Hoskins formally known as a Leper in New York, the Lepers could have done without Ames claiming to be injured at the last minute. This was following reports that he had in fact played a game for Hammersmith and Fulham Bin Men F.C. on Tuesday night.
The Lepers turned up early for kickoff and saw CHA struggling against Not-Friends of the Lepers. With a CHA sub stood on the sidelines, someone said something to someone resulting in a bit of an argument which can only have further fuelled the fires for the 4th meeting of these 2 sides. A comment from one normally-well-behaved-Leper of “enjoy Div 4 you’ll be here next season” was not well received.
The game against the DSS commenced at a decent pace with Drunk Drake shooting at every available opportunity. And it wasn’t long before a couple of his early strikes came to fruition giving the Lepers a 2 – 0 lead. Harvey then added to the scoring in a fast-flowing one-sided game before Statto remembered that he hated the Lepers and awarded the DSS a penalty after one of their own strikers had stepped in the box. With threats of sin-bins for arguing the Lepers were forced to watch the DSS pull a goal back.
With the Lepers in need of another quick goal, hatchet hardman Harvey finally lived up to this nickname as he shoulder-barged a DSS striker to the floor. The ref bizarrely decided to sin-bin both players which indicates why he is consistently the most inconsistent ref in the league. During this 4 on 4 period, Drake was again allowed to turn and shoot directly from another precise throw-out by Sheeno to give the Lepers a 4 – 1 lead at the break.
The second half saw Shovelfoot make a decent impact in the game. After another humiliating week for Stoner which saw Lepers prospect Junior Jerzak producing a biog for the website, Stoner needed his confidence restored. The scores were soon taken to 5 – 1 after Senior Jerzak was given the opportunity to surge forward thanks to Spike’s defensive resilience and notch with his left-foot. Harvey then added a 6th with a solid strike ove r the top of the diving keeper.
With moments remaining in the game, the DSS defenders looked exhausted, and following an unusual gesture of goodwill by Sheeno to assist an injured opponent, Drake smashed 2 quick goals to take his tally of the night to 5. With moments remaining in the game, Jerzak was viciously scythed down on the edge of the box giving the Lepers a free kick in a promising position. The ball was quickly laid off to Shovelfoot. His first touch was to almost fall over the ball but the second touch was a deadly strike which forced the keeper to pull off save of the night to deny the Lepers a 9th goal and Stoner his elusive 1st notch.
Down the MG, Sheen announced that he was sick of the ‘Bear’ nickname and wanted to now be known as ‘Shitbag Sheeno’. An unusual decision from the big man but with alliteration like that on show it is sure to be an immediate hit with the team. |
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