‘He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's alright’

George Best on Dan Drake….. sort of

Career history

Apps Goals

1989-90 North Tonbridge                           10               0
1989-92 Slade County Primary School       35            40+
1990-97 Tonbridge Olympic                     200          100+
1997-99 Wilderpark                                  50             25
1999-2000 Hugh Stewart Hall                    20               5
2000-02 Nottingham Uni                           40              15
2002-to date Sevenoaks Weald              100+             30

As Dan turned 26 he was contemplating retirement from football. The ‘glory days’ were seemingly over, and it appeared as if his career would peter out in the village leagues of Kent. Hardly the swansong he had imagined as a boy. Then came the resurrection of early 90s cult 5-a-side team ‘Heppers Lepers’ and suddenly a glorious new chapter could be penned...

So let us begin with the so-called ‘glory days’. By 11 the young lad from the bad streets of Tonbridge appeared to have a glorious footballing future ahead of him. As a dynamic right winger he finished the 1991-92 season with a creditable 60+ goals to his name for school and club. Riches beyond his wildest dreams were pouring in as his father regrettably handed over the proceeds of his 50p per goal bonus, negotiated in pre-season whilst occupying a more defensive role and a single figure total from the previous season. Never has a father looked so miserable whilst his son was bagging 6 in the Tonbridge Olympic – North Tonbridge local derby.

Onto 92-93 and whilst money poured into football like never before with the introduction of the Premier League, poor Dan had his goal bonus slashed to 25p and was sent off to the local egg-chasing school. Whilst his father could sleep at night without the threat of re-mortgaging the family home, the embittered youngster, with the world at his feet, plunged into crisis. The ‘glory days’ were effectively over by the age of 12. The money-grabbing little brat, spent 92-96 in spiralling decline, de-motivated and forced to hug peanuts on Saturdays. The goals largely dried up, and at just 25p a pop, so did the bank balance…

Luckily in a moment of clarity Dan realised that wearing your school uniform on Saturdays and playing rugby sucked and quit to play footballs on Saturday/Sunday. A first foray into men’s football brought him back together with original Leper, Sheeno, and Drake was revitalised by the captaincy. Now a central midfielder by trade, he spent 2 glorious seasons with Wilderpark, the only blemish being his first yellow card for petulantly kicking the ball a couple of fields away in protest at the referee daring to award a free-kick for a blatant foul (Dan felt he had let his hero, Gary Lineker, down)

Onto university where after a season of hall football he thought he would honour the university and offer them his services, only for them to offer him the captaincy of the 3rd team. From these dizzy heights Dan led the university to defeat at Dudley (possibly the worst result in the history of the university), and a creditable runners-up berth in the league….just being pipped to the title by Nottingham Uni 4th team?!

Post-university Dan returned to the Sevenoaks League now to represent Weald. Again he was reunited with Sheeno, but his dreams of reliving former glories were soon ended by a cowardly punch to the face from his blindside. Whilst Dan writhed around on the floor hoping his assailant was suitably punished, he looked up to see Sheeno being given his marching orders and throwing his shirt at the referee, emotionally fighting back the tears. Yes, Drake had been betrayed and brutally attacked by his own drunken goalie.

Luckily all grudges were thrown aside when off-the-field matters threw Sheeno and Drake together, as they enjoyed a happy period living together and reminiscing about times past. This included memories of the mighty Heppers Lepers, formed in the 93-94 season, and a cruel defeat on penalties in the final of a school 5-a-side tournament. I do not wish to name and shame the penalty culprit here

After much pub talk and fevered press speculation, the news all London Powerleague sides feared filtered through…. the Lepers were back! And with new recruits to bolster veteran Lepers Jerzak, Sheen and Drake.

Dan has quickly settled back into the lavish lifestyle of a Leper, and has displayed an insatiable thirst to improve his pre-match beers per goal ratio. Thursday nights will never be the same again…