Leper cricket, could there be a more ridiculous concept in this crazy world?

 

Well, here it was. On a rain-soaked day in the middle of June the Lepers went about their day jobs, knowing that at 6.30 the culmination of a dream was to be lived out. For it was that evening, on the 18th of June, that the Lepers had their inaugural cricket match against a team named Vallance.

It was a brave new world for the Lepers as they struggled through the commuter chaos out to an erstwhile unknown area of London called Hackney. The Lepers arrived in a disshevelled state, not even aware of who constituted their 8-man team. As the team gradually took shape, the Lepers prepared for their big test. As they emerged from the changing room, gleaming in their beautiful, gleaming new whites, they had to scare off those scavenging their postion in the Victoria Park Cup.

 

The Lepers approached their oppostion with trepidation, noting their unity. They were rudely informed that they had lost the toss and were going to field first. As the lads debated the opening bowlers and wicketkeeper positions, it was evident that the Lepers still only had 6 players. As the Lepers patiently waited for Jerzak's Indian recruits, Chris Parker summed up the feeling within the Leper camp when stating "I have never bowled with a real cricket ball".

 

As Afzaal and Sulaman, the Lepers' new friends, joined their teammates, the Lepers strolled purposefully onto the pitch. Sheen took the keeper's gloves and Spike Harby the new ball down the slope. A tight first over allowed the Lepers to assess their field positions and to acclimatise to their conditions. Dan Drake particularly revelling in his role as fly slip / third man.

 

Matt Ames opened the bowling from the other end, initially struggling with his line before beginning to cause the batsmen problems. A few leg-side wides are to be expected if you have not bowled since lounge cricket at Leicester University! They also helper Sheen get his eye in behind the willows.

 

Four overs in and the Lepers made their first bowling change, bringing on Afzaal. Within a few minuted he had made the breakthrough that the Lepers had been craving, tempting the batsmen into a slog that looked to be sailing over Jerzak's head. Much to the joy of the Lepers though, Jerzak gripped the ball safely into his hands.

 

After taking the catch, Jerzak was eager to have a bowl himself. After some smart bowling in the nets on Sunday afternoon, the confidence levels were high. However, Jerzak also struggled with his line as the tight Vallance umpire called a string of dubious leg-side wides. Mixed in with those balls were a few real testers, leaving the Vallance batsmen looking shaky.

 

Afzaal continued down the hill but was unable to make the breakthrough, and at times giving the sweeping Drake the opportunity for some extravagant dives!

 

At this point the legendary Parker was brought into the attack. Much to the bemusement of keeper Sheen he was left-handed. Fortunately the Vallance batsmen also struggled to readjust to Parker's line. His pace and bounce caused a readjustment of the field, bringing Drake and Ames into catching positions at deep backward point and a rather square third man. This was after the Lepers had conceded a number of boundaries through this area. Possibly an area the Lepers need to work on.

 

A change at the other end brought Sulaman into the attack with a bit of military medium. He bowled pretty tightly, applying the pressure. The pressure finally told when the batsmen attempted a suicidal single to Matt Ames, who retrieved the ball quickly and distributed it to the bowler's end, Sulaman smartly swiping the bails. The Lepers' hard work in the field was starting to pay dividends.

 

Parker put on the pressure with some smart bowling, occasionally being called up for bowling too short, although that was ridiculously pedantic. Meanwhile Sulaman took the 11th wicket as Afzaal took a good catch at deep mid-wicket.

 

Parker then continued into his third over and got the result his nagging line deserved. He got a ball to squirt off the surface and it clearly took a knick off the shoulder of the bat. Sheen, diving away to his right when the ball was probably straight at him, pocketed the catch. Midway through the celebration it was noticed that the batsman hadn't moved. An angry stare and growl made up the umpire's mind and the batsmen was on his way. Vallance were 4 wickets down for around 100 runs with four overs left.

 

Spike then reclaimed the ball to bowl out his 4 overs. His first over didn't reap any rewards, but didn't concede many runs. Parker bowled his fourth on the trot and restricted the Vallance boys further. He recieved a warm response as he completed his spell.

 

The first balls of the 15th over from Spike were wayward and conceded runs, though then the Harby magic started to show. The mayhem involved stumps flying everywhere and wickets tumbling. Spike took 3 wickets to put an end to the Vallance innings for 145. The number of extras totalled around 40!

 

Harvey then arrived at the scene and was promptly sent off to buy some Stellas.

 

With a big chase on the cards the Lepers strategically structured their batting line-up. Afzaal and Spike opened and put on a brisk 21 before Spike fell for 5, chipping the ball back to a fielder. Ames took to the field at number 3 and batted circumspectly, although he lost his partner for a creditable 12. The Lepers' big hope was now striding to the stumps. Having not taken a turn with the ball it was clear that Drake was a specialist batsman.

 

 

The Stellas had arrived.

 

Drake's innings was carefully crafted. He watch the first ball to get his eye in, then pierced the legside for a safe 2 - saluting the crowd. Unfortunately next ball up was a jaffer, and the bastard had bowled it on the stumps as well - Drake was out for a very well played two. By this point Har

 

Next man in was keeper-batsman Sheen, who had studied the technique of Paul Collingwood in great detail and was ready to play a Collingwood-esque innings. His partner was Matt Ames, an old adversary from the days of Welford and Dashwood road cricket. Sheen blocked out the remaining balls of the over and they discussed how to structure the innings. He was much put off by, and jealous of the fact that umpire Spike was consuming Stella on the pitch

 

Unfortunately for this fledgling partnership Ames got a ball that spat off the pitch at a hell of a pace and cut in, demolishing his leg stump. It was left to Sheen and Sulaman to resurrect the innings. At a combined weight of over 30 stone it was unlikely that there would be too many quick singles. A couple of hefty swipes into the leg-side gave Sheen two quick 2's. He was exhausted. A couple of deft edges through the slip cordon gave sheen two more 2's and caused the necessity of one substantial dive to safety. The partnership came to an end as Sheen, unable to breathe, wafted aimlessly at a slower ball. His bat then arced into the air as his energy levels finally gave way.

 

Jerzak was next to the party. Unfortunately his batting practice had not prepared him for the devious bowling he was to face. After setting himself with some nice defensive shots, Jerzak noticed the ever-increasing run-rate needed and tried to hit out. Unfortunately for Jerzak and the Lepers the stumps were in pieces again. Nobody can remember how many Jerzak scored!

 

Parker, fresh from his excellent bowling performance was next to the crease and played several decent defensive shots. From this display there was a growing case for a Leper test match side! Parker was however unable to get off the mark as Sulaman finally gave up the ghost and the Lepers' efforts had amounted to 37 - defeated by just 108 runs in their match.

 

Fortunately Stella was there to ease the pain of defeat and physical exertion. There was real promise in this Leper performance, despite the result, and there are high hopes for forthcoming forays into the world of cricket!