'There’s no doubt that questions need answering'
Or so says Grant Thorntons website this morning, and so it should after a 3-2 loss to the mighty Lepers. Such questions may include:-

'How did we let the Rhino find space to stroke home that beautifully worked free-kick for the first goal?'

'Just how good was 3D FjortofT last night?'
'How many would they have won by if John 'I'm half the man I used to be' Harvey and the one and only Chesney had turned up?'

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Can this brilliant Lepers team reel in runaway leaders Soca to claim the 1st Div title?'

'Who should make up Englands bowling attack for the opening test with New Zealand in May?'

And 'Who framed Roger Rabbit?'

But apparently it’s how you answer them that’s the important thing. At Grant Thornton they don’t believe there’s a stock answer for every question. Instead, they’ve earned themselves a reputation for outstanding service by delivering solutions on an individual basis. Fortunately the Lepers have earned themselves a reputation for outstanding cage football exploits while still believing it is possible to actually answer straight forward questions without sidestepping them like a ponce. Hence they would probably answer:-

'Because the Lepers are footballing geniuses (genii?) and the Rhino snuck up on you like a thief in the night to hit his only shot on target of the evening.'

'He was very, very good. His two goals to make it 3-0 were wonderfully crafted and finished with aplomb. He worked hard in the centre all evening and made you look silly.'

'About 6-0. After taking a 3-0 lead the lack of fitness was obvious, Super-fit Harvey would have seen to this and acted as the legs of the team to drive them forward to even greater heights. Chesney would have improved defensively with some 'coaxing' from Sheen and also scored at least 2.'

'Barring a member of Soca taking the whole team out in a murder/suicide pact, no.'

'Hoggard, Sidebotham, Broad, Panesar and Collingwood with the new ball.'

'Christopher Lloyd.'

Grant Thornton's experienced expert advisers are committed to the success of each client's business. Their working principle remains the same: to add value to client's business wherever they can. So says the Grant Thornton website. And who could argue with them? The Lepers can, that’s who. Last night they added absolutely no value to their clients (powerleagues) value with a display of 'anti-football' as they again and again broke up the Lepers first-half free flowing festival of footballing fancy-danism, their fantastic fast-paced fun-filled fare finding favour with fans from far a field. The fans had come to see a Leper show, and Grant Thorntons tactics were annoying them, and the boo boys were soon out. Such unpopularity clearly rattled Thorntons expert advisers as Heppers shot into a 3-0 lead, Drake finding the Rhino who stroked home an early free-kick followed by some brilliant distribution by Sheen, and some instinctive feeding by FjortofT of the trademark Drake 'turn and shoot' led to a second and a third as the Lepers looked fully in control at halftime.

With their title challenge collapsing faster than Arsenals, the Lepers have vowed to win all their remaining games to push Soca as hard as possible and hopefully claim some silverware to grace the Lepers jam-packed trophy cabinet. Throughout the season the Lepers have seen themselves spurn promising positions, losing the lead on numerous occasions. This must have been at the forefront of manager Jerzaks mind as Grant Thornton pulled a goal back early in the second half after a neat one-two left Ames and Harby flat-footed at the back. The Northern Wonder seemed a little subdued by his standards for most of the game and this may have been due to an earlier wardrobe malfunction. Having lost the thread of his shorts pre-match, Ames had manfully in true Yorkshire style, managed to repair them in a cobbled together, loose-fitting fashion and maybe a pre-occupation with exposing himself to the loyal Leper fans was playing on his mind and forcing him to play within himself. Nevertheless, Ames and his bionic knee managed a few trademark punts from distance, all of which came to nought, which is coincidentally the amount of money I believe the Yorkshire man will have spent on new shorts for next week.

 

With the Lepers tiring and fitness beginning to tell, some superb saves, although simple stops by Sheens stunning standards, saw silly strikers stumped. Manager Jerzak, beginning to see the danger to the flagging, red-faced, Lepers showed his tactical nous/nowse/nouse/nouce?? (Windows spell check has no suggestions for this word, I welcome all corrections) by repeatedly breaking up the play with some insidious play much in the Makelelelelele style. Grant Thornton clearly didn’t like being beaten at their own game (football, not chartered accountancy, digital loss through Leperosy makes counting problematic) and the ref began to side with their continuous pitifully piffling complaints. This somehow must have resulted in a second GT goal, giving the Lepers a nervy final few minutes but the shut-out was comfortably achieved as the lepers waltzed wonderfully back to winning ways.