Sacre bleu. The Lepers 100% records of manager Jerzak and superstar FjortofT finally tumbled to a lowly 95% this Thursday past as a poor performance saw the Lepers drop points after a 2-2 draw with Sporting Diablo. With excitement building at the prospect of Jerzaks championship-celebrating sophisticated cheese and wine evening, the Lepers minds were clearly elsewhere as they allowed a comfortable 2 goal lead to slip in 30 seconds of second half madness. Questions are already beginning to circulate in some sections of the media about the wisdom of Jerzak holding his soiree before the season had been polished off, like a fine claret. I can't actually remember the game anymore, so the following is a string of random events strung together by poor cheese and wine puns:

The game began in Stilton fashion as the Lepers looked to impose their undoubted superiority on the Diablo cretins. Already confirmed as Champagne-ions, the Lepers were in no mood to lose this game and defended like a Roquefort in the opening exchanges before Northern Wonder Matt Ames went Boursin through the opposition defence to open the scoring. Or at least I suspect he did, my mind is a bit of a Bleu (d'Avergne). The Lepers continued to have the better of the opening exchanges, Drake Riesling above the Diablo defence on a number of occasions before remembering that heading is cheddar allowed in 5-a-side. Drakes persistence finally paid of however as he scored a Brie-lliant turn and finish to make it 2-0. That signalled the re-introduction to the Leper ranks of the much missed Stoner, who as his name would suggest, acted like a Rioja against which the Diablo attacks broke. With Hall-of-Fame Harvey missing, some suggested the Lepers might lose shape, and towards the end of the half such suggestions were Bordeaux-ring on the prophetic as the mighty Seagullers began to look all at sea.

It was a good job Sheen has never been in Feta form in the Lepers goal as Diablo began to re-assert themselves as the second half commenced. Diablo continued to huff and puff but their efforts Blue Nun of the Lepers defenders away until I dire mix-up on the edge of the area allowed a Diablo player to Caerphilly slot past the stranded Sheen. This sent the Melton Mowbrian Harby on the side line very angry, he was indeed a Red Leicester (that doesn’t really work does it?). 30 seconds later a similar goal was scored to Cancoillotte the Lepers lead, the Bear went Emmental, he may even have called someone a Chianti. With their goals conceded having entered the double-figure mark for the season, the Lepers were Chardonnay in the mood to let their 100% record go as well. To ensure this 100% FjortofT was reintroduced to the fray and despite his constant running and Gianfranco gorgon-Zola like footwork, the Lepers were soon up Jacobs Creek even further as Manager Jerzak reacted to a Diablo swipe and was shown the Sin Bin Card, he really needs to Merlot out a little. Despite a Gruyere-ling finale with one-man short, the Lepers managed to a least hold on to their undefeated title this season, though that will be scant consolation to this proud team who Camembert failure. Surely the end must have come for Cheese-zak now?

I will leave you with this one thought:

"Un repas sans fromage est comme une journée sans soleil."

So there.