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The Victoria Line is not Victorious!
Trouble on the Tube led to trouble on the pitch last night as the Lepers’ 20 game unbeaten run came to an abrupt end. The previous 3 encounters between the Lepers and CHA had been fiery affairs but nothing compared to the madness and mayhem of the two teams’ fourth meeting.
The 5:15 kick off was always going to be awkward for the Heppers “City Boys” but when the Victoria Line was shut down at 4:30, those players on the Southwest tip of the recently decimalised square mile (which must have become the square 10 kilometres to accommodate Vauxhall) were given little hope of making kick off. And with the opposition never slow to point out that the Lepers are apparently a one-man team, things were not looking good without the talismanic Bear in goal. Fortunately AWOL Ames had turned up as a spectator and was immediately handed the giant gloves.
In a valiant effort to delay the proceedings the Lepers ‘forgot’ to pay their weekly subs until some time after the scheduled kick off time. However a poor decision was made by ever-present Harvey to chat up the receptionist 2 seasons early causing him to also miss kick off.
The first 5 minutes were a catastrophe as the Lepers crashed to an immediate 3 – 0 deficit. CHA capitalised on some good fortune with the 2nd goal as a fine save by Ames was rebounded in off the inauspicious Spike. And the 3rd goal was scored while the Lepers’ calls for a substitution fell on deaf ears and nobody was marking the free kick. The ref was initially blamed for this, but a retrospective Stoner quite rightly pointed out that we should have played to the whistle. Jerzak then sacrificed his place in the 5 to get Harvey on in an attempt to pull a goal back but things only got worse. A clever free kick by CHA saw a flicked one-two split the Lepers’ defence open. This was largely assisted by Webb who decided to mark Harvey instead of his opposite man, and a fierce shot was dispatched into the top corner: 4 – 0.
Stoner then got his chance to stem the CHA flow and was successful. His previous moniker of ‘Shovelfoot’ has been largely forgotten now after recent resolute defensive showings. The Lepers’ only chance of an abysmal first half saw a dink by Spike rebound off the crossbar. With a few minutes remaining in the half the  violence levels escalated beyond just-a-bit-of-fun and the reckless tackles began flying in. The first half ended with 4 against 3 after Drake was dismissed for a petulant late kick, and 2 CHA players were sin-binned for spiteful challenges. Drake’s name was again taken down by the ref cementing his place at the top of the bad-boy charts.
The second half saw the return of the perfectly pertinent Sheen in goal to shore things up. Sheeno pulled off a few decent saves before CHA extended the lead the 5 – 0. However, CHA were not content with just winning the game, and they continued with their reckless tackling campaign in the vain hope of injuring a Leper. Following a few acrobatic dives by Histrionic Harvey, the ever-present hero slammed a goal back which seemed nothing more than a late consolation. But this game still had some fire left and following a late late return to the pitch for Jerzak after a debatable sin-bin, the Lepers were awarded a penalty. Spike stepped up to the D and struck a stunning penalty towards the top corner which was unfortunately saved. However the rebound fell to Spike who played a quick pass to Jerzak via the backboards and the scores were pulled back to a slightly more respectable 5 – 2 .
However, with the comeback of all comebacks on the cards, CHA successfully managed to get the game abandoned with 2 minutes left. Following a late tackle by Jerzak, a CHA player marched up behind the Leper while he was walking away and clubbed him in the back of the head. A dazed and confused Jerzak managed to wrestle his aggressor to the floor before a riot broke out. The violence levels had been bubbling away all game and finally the contest reached its boiling point. Unsurprisingly the first Leper on the scene was the one furthest away as the Bear sprinted the length of the pitch. But instead of causing trouble, the giant keeper did his diplomatic best to calm things down. Someone was apparently reminded of Yasser Arafat’s diplomatic style while watching Sheen attempt to end the furore. In 1974 Arafat made a dramatic entrance on the international diplomatic stage. Addressing the United Nations General Assembly in New York, he told delegates that he had  come "bearing an olive branch and a freedom fighter's gun - do not let the olive branch fall from my hand". Apparently this had some kind of relevance to Sheen’s antics.
And once the violence had died down, the referee showed a red card to both of the feuding players and promised that a lengthy ban would ensue. He also declared an end to the proceedings which may cause the Lepers to lodge an appeal against the result on the grounds that a comeback was on. It had clearly been CHA who had instigated the melee, although it could be argued that Jerzak had slightly over-reacted.
The loss sent the Lepers down a place in the league table for the first time in their chequered history as Airlock registered a 7th win of the season. However the Lepers will not be too disappointed by this outcome as 6 more wins to Airlock should see the great enemy CHA left behind in Division 4.
Discussion down the Gunner was centred around the Lepers’ Premierleague winning record which currently stands at:
Played 35, Won 28, Drawn 4, Lost 3, GF 225, GA 84, GD 141, Points 88 
3 more wins would see the Lepers snatch Chelski’s previous record by 2 points.
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