Goals: Spike, Harvey, Webb

Team: Sheen, Ames, Jerzak, Spike, Harvey, Webb

In an effort to defy Statto’s new found dick-headed level of annoyance whereby he now calls the Lepers “Greens”, the Mustard & Ale Yellows decided to get more yellow-er by adopting some Brazilian samba flair. In an effort to save his neck, Jerzak decided to implement Spike’s 8 Point Action Plan by drafting in long lost Leper, Hot Shot Webb in lieu of the somewhat unfashionable Fjortoft. But before the hapless manager is accused of any back-stabbing wrong doings, it should be made clear that Mike Aage had unfortunately made himself unavailable by booting a helpless innocent pigeon with his Hollywood, Hoody Ankle.

 

When quizzed about this act of animal cruelty, our favourite Norwegian had this to say, “Pigeons have become a pest, fouling buildings and pavements where they nest or roost. Pigeon fouling is not only unsightly but also its acid content is destructive, eroding stonework.” It was good to know he hadn’t done this out of drunken stupidity. Anyway, as yet another act of selfless good will, Fjortoft had also given up booze for Lent. Surely he must be the nicest Leper around.

 

"I wish I was a seagull"

Anyway, time to pull a massive 2-step-Garage, Craig David, Bound-for-the-Bound-Bound-For-The-Reload, Re-eee-wind and get back to the Brazilian topic. Having been lost in the wilderness in a semi-permanent, Pepe Le Pew, hazy fog, Hot Shot Webb was suddenly back on the Leper scene and offering free Brazilian names to all. Without having to go through the costly and beaurocratic Deed Poll process, Webb was able to offer a cut price website-based naming service.

And so, the Lepers or rather, Los Heppios Lepeto lined up with the following 6 strong men for the opening game of Division 1.

1. Sheeca Pau in goal. Known to the locals as Urso, The Bear, Sheeca Pau is by far the most distinctive player of the team. Fearless when confronted with any opposition and as imposing as the Christ the Redeemer statue towering over Rio.

2. Aminho Santos as Sweeper. Also known as Carlosinho (Little Carlos) after his similarities with his hero Roberto Carlos. Aminho will steal the ball off any striker and unleash his ferocious long distance drives towards goal.

 

3. Spikildo as the Libero of the team. The man with more names than Ronaldo de Assís Moreira, Spikildo or more commonly, Rinoceronte enjoys the freedom to play all over the pitch. He is fast becoming as prolific as the absent Draketa, at a time when the Lepers are struggling for goals.

4. Jerzinho Da Costa, or Alex!

5. Harvisco Santos, or Número cinquenta (50 Cent) for his heralded commitment to the Lepetos. Harvisco missed the catastrophic finale to Division 2 where his endless energy to turn defence into attack was sorely missed.

6. Finally Winho, or Wino was back. The man who loves a tipple pre-match was back and looking to reassert his presence at the head of the team. With Draketa, Fjorteto, Cornwaldo and Stoneiro, the 4 strikers from Division 2 all absent, Winho had a lot to do!

The game started with one of the most enjoyable moments in Leper history. As the Samba Yellows took their shape for kick off, Statto, or (unt ) as he is more commonly known, approached the team and announced “Welcome to the Premier League”.

 

The team kicked off with Rinoceronte up top and it didn’t take long for him to grab a goal. Harvisco Santos quickly added to the lead with an intelligently taken free kick catching the previous season’s Division 1 Runners Up off-guard.

But before you could say Ayrton Senna, the Lepetos appeared to have crashed and burned. 2 quick goals, both on the counter attack left the Lepers looking fragile. The first was a shot from distance which appeared to be going just over. However, Sheeca Pau wasn’t about to take any chances and got his glove behind it. Unfortunately he didn’t do enough and the ball agonizingly dropped into the net.

The 2nd goal came from an interception up top leaving poor Aminho Santos on the wrong end of a two on one. For once he was beaten and the game was level.

 

However, there was still enough time in the first half for a moment of magic and Winho made the opposition look more daft than Edmundo when he hired an entire circus to perform in his back garden to celebrate his son's first birthday. At the party he was accused by the press of having a chimpanzee called Pedrinho drunk on beer and whiskey. Winho hooked a clever flick behind him, turned past the defender and burried the ball home. Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll! How the Lepetos celebrated.

The second half continued at the same intense pace with the Lepers raining chance after chance down on the opposition goal but their keeper was playing like Dida denying further goals.

And suddently it was 3 – 3 after a particularly memorable piece of play ended with an equally memorable goal.

But the Lepers were not to be intimidated and they pushed for further glory. Aminho Santos and Alex were putting in some serious rough house tackling at the back and for once Statto was allowing play to continue. And further goal-scoring chances fell to the Lepers but just like the previous week it wasn’t to be.

 

 

The game ended 3 – 3 with all of the Lepetos agreeing that this was a positive start to top flight football. 3 games without a win it may be, but this new Brazilian style was also one of the most organised Leper performances in a while. However, the Lepers’ willingness to continue playing Powerleague is disappearing faster than the Amazonian Rainforest so they will need to play well AND win to make this final season end on a high.