| Service 1 | Service 2 | Service 3 |
| Sheeno: "Grrrr" | 
| Bear: "Over 300 Trillion Brazilian pounds will be lost due to England not qualifying for Euro 2008" |
| Drake: "Playing in Scotland did not help my awful reputation" | 
| Sutton: "Scoring goals in Div 2 is as easy as playing in Scotland. I am awesome" |
 | Harvey: "Martini - Shaken not stirred" |  | Bond: "8 Kronenbourgs please" |
 | Ames: "I'm retiring from international football" |  | Carragher: "I can't play tonight" |
 | Harby: "Han spelar för Aston Villa i den engelska högstadivisionen" |  | Mellberg: "Once I've perfected the overhead rainbow kick Powerleague will surely change the headheight rule" |
 | Jerzak: "My career's been average since I left Chelsea" |  | Forssell: "Isn't that Paul Collingwood?" |
 | The Stone Ranger: "Hi-ho, Silver, away" |  | The Lone Ranger: "High? Low? Wide!! No Way" |
 | Webb: "Hey Ernie, I don't get it" |  | Bert: "Feed me and I will score" |
 | Cornwall: "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea" |  | Cantona; "I am ze best" |
 | Phipps: "hver enkelt gjøre desto måke" |  | Fjortoft: "Let's all do the seagull" |